Sexual abuse does not cause BPD! It can be worse than physical abuse. Their anger about these tragic outcomes is palpable and quite understandable, as I'm seen as just another person who'll let them down. Whether the end of your relationship is abrupt, or it's dying a slow painful death, there's a behavior Borderlines engage in--which I've coined, the Redundant Interaction Phenomenon or RIP. Even well meaning parents who have prepared a beautiful nursery for their newborn and leave him to sleep alone in a separate room, have undermined their infant's sense of connection, security and well-being.
Emotionally developed, sound adults seek reciprocal partnerships, not codependent ones with folks they can try to control, fix, teach or rescue. She has become so beaten down emotionally that she blames herself for the abuse. Where else would he learn intimacy skills?? The objective here is not self-recrimination, but insight and self-discovery. Naturally, the question begs to be asked: These effective strategies can be taught to a Borderline, making it possible for them to construct more harmonious relationships. They have to have their own way, and will resort to threats to get it. That's the hold they've had on you, and how they could turn your world upside-down and inside-out. Borderline Personality Disorder is not a "mental disease. Thanks to this book, I was able to put a name to the behavior. Here are the data. It's a shame that their cerebral brilliance works against them during true recovery work, and they fall or jump off the grid. The problem is, all those people never see what happens behind closed doors! Realistically, if we're always having to do crisis intervention and damage control, there's no opportunity to accomplish emotional development work, which is central to helping the Borderline relinquish personality disorder traits, and heal. They feel helpless, anxious and victimized when people don't treat them like royalty. I tried this at the very start of my career as an MFT intern, as I thought it would be helpful. Without skilled intervention, she just can't help herself. When you allow someone else to dominate you, you can lose respect for yourself. It's like they're always fast-forwarding into the future, and weaving fantasies about how wonderful your life will be, once this or that happens. They'll typically come in vilifying their partner or lover, and making them sound like monsters. They sometimes presume that their therapist will lose interest in them, if there are no disasters present "to fix. But behind the scenes he belittles Sharon and occasionally slaps her for acting "stupid. It's this reflex in you, that's igniting your partner's fiery reaction--and it won't just happen with Borderlines. Have you tried to be sweet and gentle regarding your needs for contact--presuming it's what she's needing to let you in? No amount of cheerleading can make a dent in a Borderline's self-loathing.
Video about bpd codependent relationship:
BPD and Codependency
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